Pottymouth
by daisyywrites
Summary: 10 times Pidge proved to be the biggest pottymouth of the Paladins, and 10 times she managed to avoid trouble. Rated T for language (obviously).
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm back with my first Voltron story! This is about Pidge (as will most of my VLD fics) because I love her. This story is inspired by a video I saw on YouTube with clips of Pidge over audio of Bex Taylor-Klaus cursing. It's pretty funny.**

 **Also, writing this made me realize I'm only good at writing humor and romance. AKA the two genres I used to hate writing.**

 **Also I'm never letting the Texan Keith jokes go.**

 **Disclaimer- I don't own Voltron: Legendary Defender and its characters.**

"Lance, are you crazy?" Shiro shouted into his comm. Said teenage boy flinched but scoffed into his own communicator, pretending that he was not bothered by the leader's sharp tone.

"Chillax, guys." He paused, pursing his lips. "Or as Keith would say, _y'all._ "

There was silence.

"Y'know, 'cause he's Texan."

"I am going to rip your esophagus out and shove it up your nose."

"Oh please, you love me and you know it."

"Lance," Hunk started carefully. "Maybe you should just leave Keith alone and stop being so rowdy today."

"Hunk, my main man," The Cuban boy smirked as he gripped the controls of his lion tighter. "You've known me for how long? Maybe you should know by now that once I put my mind to something I don't stop."

"So does that mean that you always want to be an idiot?" Keith hissed.

A dramatic gasp from Hunk sounded in everyone's ears. "Did Keith just make a _joke_? Oh my God, am I dead?" He breathed out. Lance chuckled.

"To answer Keith's question, no. But also yes."

And with a whoop, he ejected himself from his lion.

There were four screams as the blue Paladin fell freely down to the planet's surface.

"We're still in the atmosphere! There's still gravity!" Pidge yelled, darting to catch her idiotic teammate like the rest of the Paladins.

"Is he trying to get himself killed?" Shiro shouted. Their hearts all pounded for their comedic friend as he fell closer to the ground.

They all screamed and freaked out when Lance was just seconds away from hitting the cold, unforgiving ground when…

"Are you _kidding me_?!" Keith roared. He watched with wide eyes as the Blue Lion caught Lance in her mouth before he hit the ground,

"Lance, _oh my God_!" Hunk screamed into the comm. "You scared us!"

"What the heck was that?" Shiro asked, breathing heavily. Lance just responded with a laugh.

When he noticed that there were only three concerned voices yelling at him instead of four, Lance asked, "What's wrong, Pidge? Were you not scared I'd die?"

"Lance McClain, _you crazy bitch._ "

It was silent once again.

"Pidge Gunderson!" Shiro hissed. "Language!"

"Seriously, Shiro?" Pidge sounded incredulous. "Lance just tried to kill himself-"

"It was a _joke_!"

"-and you get mad at me for saying _bitch_?" She gasped, putting a hand on her chest. "I'm wounded."

"Just-" Shiro sighed, rubbing his temples. "Don't do it again, okay? Both of you." He paused. "Especially you, Lance."

"No promises." The two said in unison, snickering.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Woah this story blew up! Thank you all so much for your reviews, favorites, and follows! It makes me so happy that people are finding this funny! I've always kinda sucked at writing humor, so I'm glad to know I'm improving! This chapter is a lot worse than the first and I'm sorry about that! But I tried.**

 **Also, the video I talked about last chapter is called "Shit Pidge Says" by gaydrienagreste on YouTube. Please watch it! It's hilarious.**

 **Feelzyfeelz: Thank you! I'm glad I was able to make you laugh!**

 **TailsDoll13: Yeah! Thank you for letting me know, and thanks for favoriting and following.**

 **Azilia james: LOL thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!**

 **Melancholy's Sunshine: Thank you for your review! And yes, they are haha.**

 **I'd also like to apologize for updating later then I thought I would. I had this written a while ago but I'm recovering from a major back and hip injury I got from falling off my horse a few weeks ago (just equestrian things, am I right?), so I've been struggling to catch up with everything.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Voltron: Legendary Defender. Imagine, though?**

* * *

If there was one thing that was _definitely_ not their strong suit, it was interrogations.

None of them were intimidating enough. Not Pidge and her tiny size. Not Hunk and his kind nature. Not Lance and his…well, just him in general. Not Shiro and his Space Dad self. Not even Keith was intimidating enough for a majority of the creatures they would interrogate. It was honestly super frustrating for all of them.

It also didn't help that sometimes a sly comment from Lance or Pidge would ruin everything.

So here they were, five young Paladins attempting to scare the information out of this rogue bounty hunter.

He was a small thing, looking more like a chihuahua that walks on two legs than anything. Overall, his appearance was less then overwhelming. The minute they all stepped into the room, three of them almost got kicked out from their giggles (you can probably guess which three). Even Shiro was struggling to hold himself together. After all, a chihuahua with a New York-like accent and wearing an eyepatch is very hilarious.

But he was so _stubborn_.

"I don't think I've ever encountered someone so _rude_." Pidge whispered to Keith, who snorted. The two ignored the sharp look from Shiro, who was currently trying to crack the dog, and the stifled chuckle from Hunk, who had overheard her. Lance just looked at the four of them with a raised eyebrow, as he had been leaning against the back wall.

"Ya guys aren't ever gonna get any info outta me." Pirate Chihuahua smirked, crossing his stubby arms.

"I'm serious." Shiro spat. He slammed his hands on the desk the hunter was seated at. "Tell us where you got that ship."

Pirate Chihuahua's brown eyes danced with amusement. "Ya ain't gonna scare me none, _Daddy_." He winked. _Winked._ Pidge had to suppress a shudder while Shiro's face turned as red as Keith's lion. Lance may or may not have cat-called.

Shiro exhaled heavily and dropped his head. "We'll continue this later." He hissed. Then he turned to the rest of the team, running his fingers through the white tuft of hair. "Anyone else want to try before dinner break?"

"Not gonna try, but I have something to say." Pidge blurts. She stands up and Shiro moves aside, glancing at her in confusion. She does what Shiro did and smacks her palms on the cool metal surface. Pirate Chihuahua doesn't even flinch. He sneers, ears flickering.

"What? Ya gonna scare me, little kid?" He growled. Pidge could hear Lance snickering behind her.

She leaned forward, meeting his eyes. "You and I both know that's not happening," She murmured. " _Pup_."

The alien's mouth curled into a harsh smirk. "Well, little one, you certainly are feisty, aren't ya? That's cute. _Really_ cute." The last statement was literally purred. Pidge straightened and her eye twitched.

" _Douchebag._ " She mumbled before turning back to her team. She said it quietly, and hoped nobody had heard her.

"Pidge!" Shiro hissed. The rest of the boys were biting their lips to keep from laughing.

The young girl adjusted her glasses. "I'm done. Let's go take that break." She began to walk back towards the entrance. She then stopped shortly and looked over her shoulder, eyebrow raised. "Oh, and Doggy?" She smirked and raised her hand, lifting her middle finger for the Pirate Chihuahua to see. "You're a real bad boy."

The door slammed shut and all the Pirate Chihuahua could hear was screaming and laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm screaming? You guys are so nice oh my GOD. Thank you all for your reviews. This story is doing so much better than I thought it would.**

 **I know this story is supposed to be funny but I've been working on this oneshot and really wanted to put it into Pottymouth, so… Yeah. Here it is. It's super angsty.**

 **Sorry (not really ;))**

 **Another reason for sticking this in here is because I really wanted to update this today but I just took an ACT this morning so I have like no brain power right now. I'm lazy and don't feel like writing another chapter so as a result I give you guys angst! Yay!**

 **There's also a tiiiiny Klance moment if you squint. For all you crazy shippers out there.**

 **Disclaimer- Do I have to? You all already know I don't own it.**

* * *

It should've been simple.

It really, _really_ should've been incredibly easy. All they had to do was get Pidge in to hack the Galra ship and figure out whatever the hell their plan was, while the other four Paladins would watch her back and fight off any Galra soldiers standing in their way.

It _really_ should've been easy.

But they weren't anticipating the Galra to realize that they were coming and somehow set up fake coordinates that even Pidge couldn't see past. It was very unexpected. The Galra were _never_ that prepared for them. Pidge was almost always able to hack through whatever they threw at them.

But this time, she couldn't.

The Galra soldiers' weapons clashed with the Paladins' own. The four humans were panting and exhausted from the force of their physically stronger opponents. Keith, his pale forehead glistening with sweat as he fought back an attack with his sword, spared a glance over his shoulder at the younger Paladin. "Are you almost done?" He shouted. Pidge's visor was dim, but he could see her wide eyes underneath it. Her fingers were tapping wildly on the keyboard, and she was hunched over in a way that could not be comfortable.

"No." She yelled back. Her fingers paused as she scanned the screen for a few moments before continuing her rapid work. "I can't seem to get through! I thought this would be a piece of cake, but the Galra must've learned or something. I have no idea what to do."

There was a grunt, and Keith found Shiro struggling to hold back another soldier right next to him. "Keep trying, Pidge! We'll keep holding them off!" He quickly looked at Pidge, who gave a small nod. Her eyes never left the screen

A few minutes later, the four boys were all sporting at least one minor injury, and they found it gradually getting harder to keep the Galra at bay. They could sense Pidge's frustration as well, as groans of annoyance sounded from where she was perched every few seconds. The remaining Paladins were no longer separated, but all stood shoulder to shoulder, acting as a barrier in front of their other teammate.

"Pidge, please tell me you've at least figured out _something._ " Lance groaned. He jumped when he noticed a Galra soldier approaching an unaware Hunk and shot him in the shoulder, sending him stumbling backwards. Hunk gave Lance a quick smile of thanks before turning back to the wave of enemies, shooting as many as he could with his cannon.

The young girl's fingers still tapped in an unimaginable speed, her brows furrowed. "Chill out!" The screen flashed, shadowing her face with a red light. She let out a loud mixture between a yell and a sigh, smashing her fists onto the desk she was working at. "I can't figure out what I'm doing! I can't- Lance, look out!"

The Cuban boy noticed her warning too late, as a Galra soldier grabbed his arm and threw him across the room. He slammed into a metal wall, leaving an indent before he fell onto the floor in an unconscious heap. This served as a big enough distraction for the rest of the Paladins to become overpowered. In less then 5 minutes, all four Paladins lay weak on the ground. Awake, but weak.

Pidge was too concentrated on her work to notice the defeat of her friends, and she jumped when a Galra soldier slapped a hand into her shoulder. She stood up quickly, stumbling as she grabbed her bayard and activated it. "Gee, that was fast." She mumbled, glancing at her fallen teammates while rolling her eyes. Figures they'd leave all these giant, eight foot tall enemies for tiny four-foot-eleven herself.

The Galra soldier who held onto her raised his gun, preparing to shoot her, but she ducked out of his grip and rolled away. She heard them screaming in the Galra language and sharply turned around, bayard ablaze. She narrowed her eyes at three Galra in front of her, who raised their weapons at her. She managed to spare a quick glance at her teammates before rushing towards the Galra soldiers.

Though she was much smaller and physically weaker than the Galra, she was smarter and a hell of a lot more fast, so she managed to knock them out while only getting a few bruises and scrapes. Her eye caught one soldier pushing himself off the ground, and she slid her foot underneath his arm, causing him to smack his head on the ground. Grunting, she turned back to her teammates, who were helping each other off of the floor.

"Nice job, Pidge." Shiro said weakly as he threw Keith's arm around his shoulder.

Lance snorted as he grabbed Keith's other arm, not noticing how the other boy's face brightened at the contact. "Who knew a four foot tall gremlin could take out so many bad guys?" He joked. Pidge rolled her eyes and flashed him her middle finger. Lance let out a sharp laugh before his eyes widened and he shook Keith. Upon noticing the movement, the rest of the Paladins froze and stared wide eyed at Pidge.

" _PIDGE!_ "

She honestly had no idea what was happening, because one second she was happy and laughing because _they won,_ but suddenly she just saw black and felt something absolutely indescribable and the only word that actually could describe what she felt was _pain._

The Galra soldier pulled his sword out of her back and she fell. She would've completely crashed into the ground if it weren't for Shiro running over and catching her before she could hit the cold metal floor. The faces of her friends filled her eyesight and she felt relief for a few blissful seconds.

But that feeling of euphoria only lasted moments, and as her friends began to whisper to her the pain hit her like a train and washed over her whole body. She screamed, and everything was red. Her vision was red, her armor was red, everything was just _red._

She felt a cool hand push back her bangs from her forehead and her screaming was cut short. She coughed up something wet, and suddenly found it hard to breathe. Someone wiped her chin, and she could vaguely hear someone yelling about blood. A pained groan escaped her throat as arms carefully lifted her up, but the warmth from their chest was welcoming and she rested her head on their muscled chest.

The next few minutes went by in a blur, due to her slipping in and out of consciousness every few seconds. All she could recall was ringing, yelling, and being switched off from who she assumed was Shiro to somebody else.

And based on how incredibly _loud_ this person was, she could tell even through the ringing that she had gotten stuck with Lance in the Blue Lion. Lance, trying to fly as fast as he could, kept glancing back at her as a way of checking on her. His blue eyes were filled with tears and were wide with worry. Pidge coughed again, and weakly lifted her hand to wipe the blood that was dribbling down her chin. She shuddered, desperately clutching her chest where the giant wound was located. Thankfully, someone had removed her armor and wrapped something around her chest, minimally stopping the blood flow. Minimal, Pidge thought, was better than nothing.

She picked up Lance shouting that her breathing was slowing down, and he shouted something in Spanish. Pidge couldn't understand, but she guessed it was probably a curse word considering Shiro's voice hissed through the comm.

"Lance?" She croaked. He stopped his panicking abruptly to whip around and look at his injured teammate.

"…Are we…A-Almost-" She whimpered. "Almost-"

"Don't worry, Pidge." Shiro's voice rang. Pidge blinked to rid of the fuzziness, and after a few seconds she noticed that Lance had pulled up their screens. "You're almost there. You'll be fine."

Pidge smiled shakily, but when a sharp burst of pain flooded her chest she inhaled, eyes widening in shock. " _Fucking shit._ " She exhaled.

Shiro sighed, biting his bottom lip. Keeping his gaze on Pidge's whimpering form, he clenched his fist an addressed an order to Lance.

"Hurry."

Lance quickly spared a look at Pidge before gripping the controls of his lion hard. "'Fucking shit' indeed."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow okay I am so sorry for updating this so late. I honestly cannot believe that it took me months to write this.**

 **I tried to continue the last chapter, but I just...couldn't think of anything. I started it, but it was going literally nowhere. I'm sorry for those who wanted to see a part 2 but I just had no motivation to write it.**

 **Now, about this chapter. I've been hesitant to write this one. It's a thought that's been in my head for a while, but I wasn't sure if I should actually write it. It's kind of a gross topic but it honestly intrigues me how the heck Pidge manages puberty and everything up in space, where she's probably extremely unprepared. Also, I know this has been done before, but whatever. I wanted to write this. So, please, IF THE TOPIC OF MENSTRUATION AND SUCH MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER! This chapter is based off a mixture of several experiences of myself and a few of my friends.**

* * *

" _Damn._ "

The Paladins had just arrived at the castle after a long, hard-working mission trying to locate rebels and release them from their prison. The mission was a failure, much to the disappointment of the five humans and two Alteans, as the prisoners had been relocated to another location five hours before they arrived. Pidge was especially upset, for who knew if her brother or father were in that group of prisoners?

Overall, Pidge was having a pretty rough day.

The cramps she had been feeling really were not helping, either. They weren't too bad, and she was able to push her way through them during the mission. It was the nausea, though, that was bothering her the most. She tried not to let her feeling of sickness obvious to the others, but a groan or two accidentally escaped a few times over her comm.

But the instant she stepped foot on the floor of the hangar she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. She bit her lip and hugged her stomach, a curse escaping her mouth. Thankfully, nobody noticed her use of language, though Hunk saw her flinch out of the corner of his eye.

"You alright, Pidge?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow. She smiled lightly as the rest of the Paladins laid their eyes on her hunched over form.

"I'm fine." She tried to convince them, though the fact that she was hunched over and clutching her stomach made it obvious she was anything but. "I-I just feel kind of nauseous, is all."

Shiro rest a hand on her shoulder, eyes sparkling with worry. "You should go rest. Maybe you'll feel better In a few hours." Pidge snorted internally but heeded his word, stalking out of the hangar and to her room.

Her room, like the green lion's hangar, was what she liked to call an organized mess. There were mechanical parts everywhere, and although it looked like nothing but clutter, each tool had a spot in the mess designated for itself. She easily maneuvered through the scattered parts on the floor, feet stomping over the larger objects. Once she reached her bed she threw herself onto it, snuggling up in her blankets and hugging her pillow. Unfortunately, even being a defender of the whole universe couldn't spare her from the pain that was her period.

* * *

She tried not to make it too obvious what was happening, but then _the worst experience of her life_ happened.

Getting sent into space with no preparation? Screw that. Failing every simulation back at the Garrison? Nothing.

 _This_ took the cake.

The day was fine. Nobody was suspicious of anything. She spent most of her day in her room, curled up in a fetal position, with the Altean equivalent of toilet paper stuffed in her underwear. Thankfully, she was an introvert and it was common of her to spend a lot of time in her room or in Green's hangar, so nobody showed concern. She only came out for dinner, where she ate an abnormal amount of space goo. At one point, she'd mustered the courage to ask Allura if she had anything she could use. And no, Allura did not have anything she could use, as Alteans did not have a menstruation cycle. Allura was quite horrified to find out that human females bled every month, and almost called upon the other Paladins to help her. Pidge had a miniature heart attack when Allura reached for the comm., but convinced Allura that she was fine.

So, she discovered that she _really_ needed to go back to the space mall as soon as possible.

That thought was prominent in her head all throughout training. She had thought that Allura would let her sit this one out, as she knew (sort of) what was going on with her, but Allura reasoned that if Pidge said she was fine she can train for a little while. Pidge couldn't come up with something to counter that.

Besides, wasn't exercise supposed to help?

She found out minutes later that whoever told her that was a _fat fucking liar_.

She leaned against one of the walls, clutching her abdomen. The sound of the other Paladins running towards her was almost instant, and she was barraged with questions of concern. Pidge waved her hand, giving them a small smile and pushing herself off the wall. "Guys, seriously. I'm alright. I told you, I'm just feeling a little off today." She started back towards the training bots, still speaking. "Doesn't everyone have off days-"

"You're hurt!"

"What?" Pidge asked, turning around. She didn't remember getting hurt.

"There's blood dripping down your leg." Keith told her, voice steady but she could hear the slight panic. She looked down, and _oh._

 _Oh no._

Her honey eyes slowly trailed from her leg to her friends, who were all staring at the red dripping down her leg. ' _Oh my god please stop staring._ '

She must've bled through her shorts. Oh, God. This is the worst. She did not need this. Nope.

"Fuck." She blurted. "Fuck fuck _fuck._ "

"Pidge," Shiro started, stepping towards her. "I know it hurts, but-"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Keith interrupted, eyes ablaze. "If we had known you were injured, then-"

Then Hunk joined in, blubbering about how he didn't like that she wasn't telling them that she was hurt, and her head was starting to spin, and _is someone trying to touch her leg?_

Sure enough, Lance was bent down and reached towards her, trying to wipe away the blood with his sleeve. Pidge's nostrils flared and she kicked his arm, ignoring his yelp and using the distraction to try and scramble away from this absolute embarrassing mess.

It did not work. She couldn't even move.

"Guys, seriously, _oh my god._ " She covered her face with her hands, attempting to hide her red cheeks. "This is actually the worst thing. Someone put me out of my misery. Holy shit, I can't believe this is happening."

"I know you're hurt, Katie, but that doesn't mean you should use such language. Let us help you."

Damn, Shiro's pulling out her real name. Things just got ten times more complicated than she would've ever preferred.

In all honesty, she kind of expected at least one of them to get what was happening. They weren't all that dense.

And unfortunately for her, _Lance got it before anyone else._

His blue eyes widened and her immediately stood up. His mouth formed a straight line and he eyed her with some emotion she had no idea of. "Guys, let's just leave her alone. If she says she's fine, she's fine." Then he _winked_ at her. Her face heated up and she felt her heart plummet.

"But she's bleeding- oh. _Oh. Wait._ " And now Hunk caught on. Fantastic.

"Anyone else?" She muttered more to herself than the others. Hunk's face was a bright red, and he nervously fiddled his thumbs. He looked like he wanted to get out of there.

' _You and me both._ '

Shiro and Keith both still looked clueless, and Pidge threw her arms up into the air. "Fuck this. I'm out. Bye." She began to shuffle backwards, hands covering the red spot on her tan shorts.

And Keith, bless his heart, _finally_ realized what was happening. His jaw dropped for a quick second before he shut it, though his face was bright and eyes looking anywhere but her.

And Shiro still had no idea what was happening.

"Um, so... I'm just going to go?" Pidge moved to leave that room as fast as possible, but Lance stopped her.

"Do you want us to go to the mall to pick up some stuff for you? I mean, you probably need more things like more clothes, like underwear, and-"

" _Lance._ " Pidge hissed. Her face felt hot as hell, and she could feel more blood dripping down her legs and _holy fucking shit, why is this still going on?_

"Sorry, sorry." Lance held up his hands. "It's just that I know how to handle this. I have two older sisters and the same thing has happened to them." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. Wow, he did not look or sound the least bit awkward about this. "If we get Allura to bring us to the space mall, I can run in and get you some stuff. It's fine, I've done it before back on Earth. I won't feel awkward or anything."

Pidge said nothing, but nodded thankfully.

And then, Shiro understood what was happening.

He freaked out, blushing and stammering. Pidge felt herself shrink, and suddenly her oversized sweatshirt felt ten times bigger than it already was. The blush that coated her cheeks was now covering a lot of her body, even more emphasized by its presence on her pale skin. She groaned muttering every single curse word that she had stored in her brain under her breath.

"Um... Yeah. Maybe you should- yeah."

Pidge squeaked and scurried out of the room.

' _Fuck. What the fuck. That was awful. Why is this happening.'_

* * *

After _that_ mess, Pidge locked herself in her room for a few hours until she heard a knock at her door. When she opened it, she saw a box of pads, tampons, and a card that said, " _didn't know ur underwear size, sorry, so i couldn't get u any new ones. i also didn't want to get u a random pair bc u might've thought i was creepy af but trust me im not. here u go! - Lance"_

That gave her the first laugh she'd had all day.

And maybe the fact that the other Paladins were suddenly being a lot nicer to her also made her laugh a little.

Also on the bright side, she was finally able to say "fuck" ten thousand times without getting in too much trouble. So that was fun.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow okay I am awful. I'm so sorry for making you guys wait so long! I've been so busy recently, looking for colleges and all that jazz. But I promise to try and write quicker!** **Another thing is that I've changed the number of chapters this story will have. I sadly don't have enough time on my hands to write 14 chapters, with me starting senior year and finding a college.**

 **It would also be helpful if you all could maybe submit some ideas! I may not get to all of them, but I will definately take some of your suggestions! So please feel free to suggest some prompts!**

 **Quick note! This chapter heavily features an OC of mine. She won't be returning unless some of you actually want her to, but I just wanted to stick her in here for fun.**

 **Disclaimer: Y'all get the idea.**

* * *

Tall, navy blue strands of grass brushed against her legs as she limped along, lost and unaware of where she was. Her honey eyes darted across blackened trees on both her left on right side, their royal purple color a little darker due to the absence of light. She could've sworn that they were actually giant mushrooms, but she wasn't sure if she was possibly hallucinating because of head trauma or famine. Or maybe they were giant mushrooms. Who knew.

It must have been at least three quintants since she last ate. The last thing she remembered before waking up in an empty patch of weird blue grass was getting blasted by some laser and crashing on this mysterious planet. She must have been passed out for some time. She couldn't recall ever getting this hungry after eating a few vargas ago. And Green-

She paused, eyes widening behind her cracked visor. _Green._ She must have been completely wrecked if she was unable to even sense her. Pidge's heart sped up and she began to run, ignoring the pain throbbing through her leg.

" _Green!"_ She screamed. She stumbled, arms flailing in an attempt to balance herself, before ultimately failing and falling forward. A gasp of alarm exited her mouth and she pushed her arms out in front of herself. Her palms hit the dirt, and her heart stopped, but the momentum from her fall was too much, and-

" _Shit!"_ She breathed, moments before her head hit into a rock the size of a watermelon.

Her vision went black.

* * *

She was swimming. Not in a lake or another body of water. No. She was swimming in darkness. It was cruel, as the dark was intimidating, but bearable. She felt oddly at peace. Her vision was sunken in pitch black paradise. Nobody could bother her. Especially not any Galra.

However, all tranquility must come to an end sometime. A loud, screeching noise blew in her eardrums, and it hurt. Holy shit, it hurt a lot. Pain was something she experienced a lot these days, being part of a war and all, but the feeling in her head was by far one of the most painful things she had ever felt in her fifteen years of life.

Along with the pain in her ears came the pain of her eyes as they shot open and hungrily absorbed the bright rays of sun. But the light was too suddenly forced upon her eyesight, and she flinched, eyelids closing almost immediately. She heard a voice ringing in her ears. It was distant, and it was echoing, but she could still hear it.

"Hello? Are you all right?"

"Allura?" She choked out. A sigh of relief from the stranger confused her.

"Oh thank Faber, you're alive. I was scared I'd have a dead body on my hands." She said. Still in her bleary state of mind, she could not focus enough to see who she was talking to. But her voice didn't sound like anyone she knew. The voice seemed…foreign.

All of a sudden, she felt the mattress beneath her shift as the person next to her stood up. She could hear the pouring of a liquid into a cup, and footsteps that made her head pound with each _thump._ A whine escaped her throat, and she clenched her eyes shut. Her face remained tense until the stranger sat back down next to her and gently directed her chin up. Confusion raced through her mind until a cup was pressed into her lips, prompting her to separate them. She almost cried when the cool, familiar feeling of water poured into her mouth and swam down her throat. Soon enough, the water stopped its flow, and she whined again, throat still too parched to speak without a scratchy voice. The stranger stood up again to fetch more water for her, a quiet chuckle emitting from her mouth.

Unhappy with the loss of her senses, she blinked a few times more, struggling to fight the blurriness. Frustration boiled within her until her vision became clear enough once more. She stared straight above herself, finding that she was sin a brown tent made of some kind of animal hide. She gulped before slowly turning her head, itching to see whose home she was in.

It was a young woman with blue-gray skin and dark brown dots - _freckles? -_ dusted across her face, neck, and upper shoulders. Her platinum blonde hair was tied into two messy buns, bangs shielding her eyes. Her white glove-covered hands poured a pot of water into a chipped cup, and as she turned around to walk back to the bed, she met the blue alien's lime green eyes. The alien stopped short, water splashing from over the rim of the cup. The alien placed a hand over her heart for a moment before slowly approaching.

"You frightened me." She murmured. She handed the cup to her shaky, extended hand before leaning against a wooden pole. "Welcome back to the land of the living, stranger."

"Where am I?" The brown haired girl took a sip of the water before exhaling shakily.

The alien girl's eyes darted to the cup before moving back to her face. "You spilled some of your water."

Brown eyes narrowed. "Answer my question."

"Fine. You're on Xobrion." When she saw the other girl's brow furrow, she raised an eyebrow. "You have never heard of it."

"Well, sorry I've never heard of your planet. To be fair, there are a lot of planets in the universe."

"No. No, it's a good thing that you were unaware of its existence."

"Why?"

"This planet is a terrible place. I dream of the day that I can escape."

It was silent for a few, uncomfortable moments before the alien spoke again. "What is your name?"

The young girl hesitated before speaking. "Pidge."

The alien's lip quirked. "I'm Corrol."

Pidge narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. "That's fancy." Corrol sighed and crossed her arms, leaning her head back until it rested in the pole.

"You are from Earth. I have not been to Earth in _deca-phoebs_ , not since I was but an infant. My mother is a human."

 _So, another half-breed._

Pidge bit her lip, placing the now-empty cup on the tree stump next to her. "Are you the only person here?"

Corrol's eyes clouded over with an unreadable emotion. "No. The rest of the Xobrinese live in the central city of this planet. We are in the minority that is the woodlands."

"Why aren't you with the rest, then?" Pidge asked. She pushed herself into a sitting position, the fur blanket covering her body sliding down to only cover her legs. "Is it because you're a half-breed?"

"I would prefer if you did not use that term, but yes."

Pidge waited for her to elaborate on her reason, but once she realized that the Xobrinese girl was done speaking, she threw the blanket off of herself and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Well Corrol, thanks for saving my life. Maybe we'll see each other again or something someday."

Corrol stood straight and stared at Pidge confusedly. "Where are you going? You're still injured."

Pidge, despite her slight wobbling, grabbed her marred armor from the ground next to the bed and began to slip it on. "I have someone to look for, and I need to move as quickly as possible. I can't leave her alone for too long or something might happen." Pidge explained hastily, slipping on the last piece of armor before grabbing her helmet and tucking it under her arm.

Corrol's lips tightened before she grabbed a wooden staff from the floor and stood it next to herself. "Then allow me to join you."

"You don't have to-"

"Please don't argue with me. You didn't even know what planet you were on before I told you." When Pidge didn't answer, she pressed on. "You will get lost without my help."

Pidge sighed and grabbed the flap of the tent's entrance, holding it open. "Okay, you can come. The more help I get, the faster I'll find Green."

Corrol smiled before stepping out of the tent in front of Pidge. The human stared at the back of her head before grumbling. "If I get attacked by pissed off aliens because I'm stuck with a fugitive, I'm suing this damn planet."

* * *

They had been trekking for several vargas when Corrol stopped in her tracks and held her arm in front of Pidge, prompting her to stop as well.

Pidge looked over the alien's arm ahead of them, searching for a cause of their rest. "What is it?"

Corrol narrowed her eyes. "I sense something ahead of us, but this fog is blocking my vision." She looked down at the other girl.

Pidge activated her helmet, staring through her visor at the land ahead of them. "I can probably use my helmet to find out."

"Probably?"

"You found me laying on the ground with a bleeding head and a nasty concussion. If my head is somehow still working, I highly doubt my helmet is."

It was silent as Pidge impatiently waited for her helmet to work correctly, the only noise being their heavy breathing and the chirping creatures hidden in the fog. She felt Corrol shift besides her, adjusting her heavy cloak. Pidge groaned as her helmet flashed red, banging it with the heel of her palm. _"Fuck!"_

Corrol cocked her head and looked at Pidge with a raised eyebrow. "Pardon me, but what is a _fuck?_ "

If it had been any other situation, Pidge would have laughed at the innocent inquiry, but all her mind was set on was finding Green and getting the hell away from this planet. If it was as bad as Corrol had made it sound, she did _not_ want to know what they would do with her lion.

She rolled her eyes. "My helmet won't work." She bit the inside of her cheek, wracking her brain for a solution to their predicament. An imaginary lightbulb went off over her head and she glanced over at the tall wooden staff clutched in the alien's right hand. Corrol regarded the other girl with a quirked eyebrow.

"What?"

"Your staff. Does it have any magic abilities? Maybe it can sense the thingy that's ahead."

Corrol snorted. "Apologies, but unless the only magic you wish for is a slight breeze from swinging this thing, then you will we disappointed."

Pidge glared at her from the corner of her eye. "I don't appreciate the sarcasm."

"And _I_ do not appreciate you ignoring my question." She lifted her staff a couple of inches off the ground before stabbing dirt with it again. "What is a fuck?"

Pidge pinched the bridge of her nose. "Honestly, Corrol. Let it go-"

"No! I demand you to tell me!"

" _Demand_ me? Who the hell died and put _you_ in charge? I just want to go find my lion so I can leave this fucking planet!"

"I just want to learn more about the planet I was born on, and that's an Earth word! I just want to know! Why are you getting so angry?"

Pidge deeply sighed, closing her eyes. "I'm just aggravated, is all. I'm hungry, tired, injured, and you keep talking to me like I'm some kind of lesser being. All I want is to go find my lion so I can find my friends and go defend the universe, okay? So can we _please_ get going?"

Corrol silently nodded her head.

"Also, just because you keep bugging me about it, fuck is a bad word."

Corrol blinked, scandalized.

"But you are only a child. You shouldn't be using such…vulgar language."

Pidge groaned exaggeratedly, throwing her head back before dragging her feet forward. "Kill me now."

"What? _No!_ Why in Faber's name would you wish for me to-to-"

"I was fucking _joking, Corrol_!"

"Pidge!"

"Ugh!"

* * *

They eventually found the Green Lion in a field of giant mushroom trees and blue grass, damaged but very much alive. Pidge was relieved to feel the lion's presence once again, and the purring in her brain oddly soothed her concussed head. She left the planet as soon as possible, saying a few final goodbyes to her newest alien companion, and saying that one day they may meet again.

As she pulled out of the planet's atmosphere, Pidge leaned back in her seat and sighed with relief, shutting her eyes and clutching the controls tighter. "Since when are aliens _that_ interested in Earth's culture?"

Green purred something back to her. Pidge chuckled.

"Nah. I highly doubt she and Keith would get along."

Green purred again. Pidge almost choked on her own saliva.

"What do you mean I'm _grounded?_ I'm a fucking _Paladin!_ " She paused, blinking. "Oh. Maybe I do have a potty mouth."

A purr rumbled throughout her head.

"Okay, yeah, I get it. Stop. And Green?"

 _Purr..._

"Don't tell Shiro."


	6. Chapter 6

Pottymouth Ch. 6

 **A/N:** **WOW I am so so so sorry for not updating this in over a year. I feel so bad omg I've been meaning to update this but haven't gotten the chance and I also couldn't think of any ideas. It's been really hectic for a while, with senior year and graduation and then I had dance nationals and now college is absolutely kicking my ass, why did I pick to major in bio LMAO it's rough. So this chapter may kinda suck because it's been a hot minute since I've even attempted to write anything besides an essay and I'm in the middle of finals week yaaaaay!**

 **Also please note that Lance is called an idiot several times in this chapter and I've got this tiiiiny inkling of a feeling that at least 1 person will call me out on it, so just to let y'all know I don't think Lance is an idiot! K thanks! It also features an asshole OC I made up in like 5 seconds because I don't know how to write James, whoops!**

 **Also, at the time of editing this chapter I finished season 8 and…holy SHIT. Extremely unpopular opinion, but I really enjoyed it. There were obviously mistakes, seeing as no show is perfect, but I really, genuinely enjoyed it and bawled my freaking eyes out the entire last episode. I really hope I'm not alone in this lol. What did you all think?**

 **Once again, if anyone has any ideas let me know! I'll try my best to include as many as I can the last few chapters!**

 **This chapter takes place at the Garrison before the events of the show.**

—

"Honestly Pidge, you're missing out."

Pidge clenched her jaw tight and sped up the pace of her walking in an attempt to escape the hellish force that was trying to socialize with her. She pushed a short lock of hair behind her ear, risking a glance out of the corner of her eye to see how far she had moved.

They were far away. Good. She could think in peace now.

The disguised girl sighed, pushing her - Matt's - glasses up her nose. She turned the corner of the hallway, pulling her key out of her pocket for her dorm room-

"Hey!"

She jumped, an out-of-character squeak escaping her throat as she dropped her key. With a groan, she glared up at the two boys in front of her.

Speaking of the hellish force...

"What do you want?" She asked monotonously. This was _not_ what she needed. She needed to get to her laptop so she could do more research on the Kerberos mission, _not_ hang out with her two idiot (well, one idiot and Hunk) co-pilots. She needed to find Matt, and her dad, and go back home to her mom and Bae Bae-

She was lifted from her thoughts as Lance shoved his hand in her face. "You dropped your card." He stated, dangling it in front of her face. Pidge eyed him for a second before snatching it from him, swiping it through the machine that granted her access. The moment she heard the clicking noise she opened the door and tried to rush through the small crack, but long fingers grabbed her arm before she could.

The girl turned her attention to Lance's shit-eating-grin and Hunk's slightly worried face behind him. "Let's go do something fun."

Pidge had to suppress a groan. Anything would be more fun than hanging out with Lance McClain.

—

"Can I go back to my room now?"

Honestly, Pidge wasn't sure what to expect when Lance suggested that they were going to do something _fun_ , but it wasn't this. She figured maybe he'd throw some kind of party in his room (he seemed like that kind of person), or have them sneak out and do something probably illegal, but playing the Nintendo version of Monopoly was absolutely nowhere in her mind. Yet here they were, sitting in a small triangle on Lance and Hunk's floor, the board in the middle of them.

Pidge placed the small star figurine on the little picture of Zelda and Lance nudged her thigh with his bony knee. "What're you gonna do, Pidge?" He asked, waggling his eyebrows. She internally sighed, eyes staring at the wall in front of her with zero emotion as she handed Hunk $300 of Monopoly money.

"Just give me the card." She grumbled. The second Hunk moved the card close enough to her, she snatched it, slamming it down on the carpet.

They had been playing for a little over an hour, and Pidge was over it. There were so many things she'd rather be doing than playing freaking Monopoly with Lance McClain. Hunk was fine, she could deal with Hunk, but Lance was…Lance. She wasn't too big of a fan of his over-the-top personality.

And though she wouldn't admit it, it was partly because he reminded her a little too much of Matt.

Unaware of the apparent shift in her mood, Pidge lazily slid the Waluigi card in Lance's direction, the small rectangle barely even moving more than a few inches away from her. Her honey brown eyes stared at the board in reverie, not noticing the concerned glance that Hunk and Lance shared.

"You can go back now."

Slightly startled, Pidge glanced up at Hunk, who gave her a soft smile. "For real?" she squeaked, pushing the round glasses up the bridge of her nose.

Lance threw an arm around Hunk's shoulder, smiling widely. "Uh, yeah. Duh, for real." His almost-smirk then softened a bit, and his blue eyes sparkled at her. "At least let us walk you back."

Deep down, Pidge's heart skipped a beat.

"So then she slapped me in the face!"

Hunk scrunched up his nose. "Why'd she do that?"

Lance shrugged, closing his eyes and quirking his bottom lip. "Dunno. But I had a black eye for like, a week. It sucked."

"If you flirted with her the same way you flirt with other girls, then it's obvious why." Pidge piped up, staring straight ahead with zero signs of emotion on her face.

Lance spluttered, blue eyes widening a comical amount, and his arms flailed as he halted, almost whacking Hunk in the face.

"Dude," Hunk grunted as he caught Lance's arm. "You almost just gave _me_ a black eye." In response, Lance rolled his eyes.

"Sorry." He then turned to Pidge, narrowing his eyes and scrutinizing her. "You really think my flirting is bad?"

For a moment, the girl could have sworn that Lance's voice sounded legitimately hurt, but then he winked at her and she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes again. "It sucks."

"You wound me." He feigns a fainting spell, leaning back against Hunk, who chuckles.

"C'mon, drama queen. Let's get Pidge to his room." Hunk gently pushed Lance off of his chest, grabbing his shoulders and guiding him forward. "It's almost curfew anyway."

Lance grumbled, muttering something incomprehensible (it was about Hunk being a party-pooper but he'd never tell him because Hunk is too good), and the three were on their way once again.

"Hey, McClain!"

Nevermind.

The trio turned around in unison to face the source of the words. Lance grumbled, eyes trained on the ground for a solid ten seconds before he reluctantly raised his gaze. Putting on a mask consisting of a toothy grin and playful, half-lidded eyes, he threw finger guns at the person who addressed him. "Hey, Brett!"

Pidge had to crane her head up almost entirely. The dude in front of them was _massive,_ all muscle. His blond hair and blue eyes, along with his intimidating, too-cocky smirk made it way too obvious that he was your stereotypical jackass of a jock in those high school movies. You know, the ones that push kids into lockers and stuff.

Brett, as Lance called him, cocked a thick eyebrow and glanced over the group before training his eyes back on the Cuban boy. He sneered, scrutinizing Lance as if he were a disgusting bug. "I saw you with my girlfriend in the cafeteria earlier today."

Lance furrowed his brow, visibly confused. "Who's your girlfriend?"

"Amy," Brett crossed his arms, eyes narrowing in a way that indicated that he was slightly annoyed. "You know, tall, red hair?"

Lance's eyes darted to the side in thought, tapping his chin with his pointer finger. "Oh, yeah! Amy Naughten? I did see her today." He exclaimed. He opened his mouth to continue his statement, but Brett interrupted him with an angry frown on his face.

"You were talking to her."

Lance laughed, though it was apparent that his confidence was being demolished by the second based on his tone. "Uh, yeah. She's my partner for our project in biology class. I had to ask her-"

Brett took a step closer, thick arms crossed across his chest and blue eyes narrowed to the point that Pidge thought his eyes should be hurting. "You're an idiot McClain, you know that?" He hissed.

The three were caught off guard, and Lance looked visibly hurt by the statement. "E-Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Brett's sneer grew in size at the look on Lance's face. "You're dumb, McClain. But even despite your lack in the intelligence department, I thought you'd at least have enough common sense to not flirt with other people's girlfriends."

The saddened look on Lance's face suddenly morphed to one of anger. "Hey! Listen, dude. This is all a misunderstanding. I'm just trying to get a good grade and work on my project with my classmate!" He shouted, brows furrowed. Brett chuckled, and at this point Pidge just wanted to punch the asshole. After taking a quick glance at Hunk, she saw that he appeared to be thinking the same thing, though his face displayed more fear and concern than irritation.

"I know your reputation, McClain. Everyone in this whole goddamn school does. You flirt with every girl you can until they flat out reject you." He leaned closer, nose wrinkling with the intense sneer on his face. "I normally don't give a shit when you do that, because I guess its your way of coping with the fact that you fucking suck. We all know you're a fighter pilot only because emo orphan Kogane dropped out. But that does _not_ give you the excuse to try to get into my girlfriend's pants. If you even attempt to look in her direction again, you _will_ regret it."

Lance opened his mouth to retaliate, his frustration evident on his face, but Pidge couldn't take it anymore. She was tired, she was pissed off, and the pilot of her team was getting his ass verbally kicked by the less-musical, muscular, male equivalent of Sharpay fucking Evans from High School Musical. At this rate, a fist fight would break out in front of her dorm room and that was less than preferable.

So she did what her instincts told her to do. Unleash her inner grizzly bear in the form of a tiny 15 year old girl and fight the giant mountain of a shitty high school movie villain to defend her damsel's honor.

"Shut up, asshole." She spat, shoving Lance into Hunk's (who still looked scared shitless for Lance) arms for protection. 

Brett raised an eyebrow and looked _incredibly_ amused at her. "Who the hell are you?"

Pidge narrowed her eyes at him. "My name's Pidge, and quite frankly, I don't appreciate you making fun of Lance."

The blond rolled his eyes, coughing out a sarcastic laugh. "Look, kid. Whatever your name is. You're literally, like, twelve, and I don't want any children to get harmed on set, so why don't you and big boy over there," he gestured to Hunk, who was patting Lance's head and looking at her like the was insane.

The girl scoffed. "First of all, I'm 15, you shithat. Second, I would think that if you're everything you say you are, you'd be doing other things besides picking on random kids in the hallway right before curfew."

"Well, normally random kids don't flirt with my girlfriend."

"Dude, you're getting all pissy over a misunderstanding!" Pidge was getting very annoyed at this point. How thick was this guy's head? "Lance literally just said they're partners for a project. Chill out. Are you that insecure in your relationship? Here you are calling Lance an idiot, yet you're the one willing to let your girlfriend fail her biology project over a fucking misunderstanding." She clicked her tongue, shaking her head.

She paused, waiting for his retort, but the bully was silent. He grumbled, glaring at her as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose triumphantly, and promptly left the scene after shoving his middle finger in their faces.

There was silence for a few moments before Hunk pulled her into a hug. She yelped, gasping as his arms squeezed the breath out of her momentarily. "What the hell was that?! I thought he was going to punch a hole through your face!"

Pidge wheezed as Hunk let her go, running her hands down her uniform to rid of the wrinkles. Her eyes darted up in surprise at the gently hand on her shoulder, and they widened when they saw it was the tan hand of Lance. Her gaze traveled the length of his arm until it reached his face, which was softened and grateful. "Thanks, Pidge. I probably would have got beaten into a pulp if you didn't step in."

"Uh, yeah. And he almost did too!" Hunk chimed in from behind them.

She ignored what Hunk said and let a smile take over her lips, placing a hand on top of Lance's and squeezing. "No problem."

The look that he gave her reminded her if Matt once again, and she squeezed his hand a little harder.


End file.
